6 of the Weirdest G.I. Joe Figures
Choosing from the 500+ 'A Real American Hero' figures made between 1982-1994
When Hasbro teamed with Marvel to relaunch the G.I. Joe toyline in 1982, things snowballed quickly. More than $51 million sold in 1982 was doubled the next year and beyond; what began as a set of 11 figures and 4 vehicles grew to 500+ figures and around 250 vehicles and playsets by 1994. Simply put, the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero toyline, with its accompanying comic book series and animated show, was a monster. But not every character was as iconic as Storm Shadow, Cobra Commander, or Snake Eyes. Some of them were just plain strange. And in this edition of Power Action! we’re looking at some of the weirdest creations sprung from the Hasbro labs during the A Real American Hero era.
Clean Sweep
There was a wave of environmentalist kids programming in the early ’90s, from Captain Planet and the Planeteers to Toxic Crusaders. G.I. Joe’s “Eco-Warriors” subset carried these themes too, and the weirdest figure of these, for me, was “anti-tox trooper” Clean-Sweep.
I'm just fascinated by this guy's street sweeper, which shoots water, and the idea of a someone blasting at you while cleaning up a nearby toxic mess. (“Multi-tasking” ends up being a major theme with many of these.) There was a color-changing effect for many of the figures and vehicles in this line. Also, for the mold nerds, this guy's body was original. Maybe that’s why his face looks like late-’80s Bruno Kirby:
Scoop
Hasbro had a tendency to model Joes after real people. In this case, it was NBC correspondent Mike Leonard, whose likeness and name (remixed as "Leonard Michaels") was used for Scoop. I think this one is particularly weird for me as a journalist, as his file card offers an unusual academic track that makes him both master reporter and a “microwave transmission specialist.” Dual-wielding the camera and the gun doesn’t exactly scream “objectivity.”
But again, it’s the multi-tasking for me. Oh, and like Clean-Sweep, this guy’s mold is completely original, too!
Crystal Ball
Now, here’s a guy with some lore behind him. Crystal Ball, one of the most hated creations of the era, was actually created by Stephen King and his son, Owen. He even has roots in Bangor, Maine. The “Cobra hypnotist” was made to look like horror icon Vincent Price, and he came with a trippy accessory to help you control the minds of your most dimwitted Joes.
King supposedly wrote the filecard, too. And this year, he’s getting the “Classified” treatment, as Hasbro continues to take highlights (and lowlights, apparently) and gives them a 2020s upgrade. It doesn’t ship until summer, but it’s the perfect picture of fandom already: It has a 1.5-star rating on Hasbro’s site but is already sold out, too.
Ice Cream Soldier
I’m going to let the file card speak for itself here.
Hardball
Hardball! Per Joepedia, the working names for this guy were Thumper, High-Pop, Line-Drive, and Lob-Shot. They made the right call. This Joe, along with Captain Grid-Iron, were a nice way for Hasbro to bridge the property to the outdoor kids on the playground. They even made his hometown the same as the Baseball Hall of Fame and his name a play on one of baseball’s assumed inventors.
The weirdness is really the idea of the U.S. military saying, Hey, this guy came to us from a minor league baseball team and wants to still dress like it. I guess we let him? But maybe that’s what happens when you “can drop a 40mm frag into a bucket from 75 meters, simply by eyeballing it.”
Headman
We’re ending with a notorious one—not only because of the moniker, but also because he was a bizarre manifestation of the era’s “war on drugs” campaign. Why was in a Roaring ’20s zoot suit? Why was a guy with the motto “I am above the law! I rule this block! I rule this city!” in the purview of the globetrotting Joes?
What if they're all weird and these are actually the most normal